My latest pregnancy wasn’t the easiest one, but it made me a better person. Sure, I had the usual complaints such as relentless heartburn and swollen marshmallow feet. But the fear of losing my baby, made day-to-day life nearly unbearable. I have been pretty vocal about it because I want other women out there to know they are not alone. I want other women who are up late into the wee hours of the morning Googling what could go wrong, like I did, that there is another mother out there doing that exact same thing at the same time. My advice is to stop tormenting yourself and look up funny cat videos instead. I experienced extreme stress about six weeks into the pregnancy when my full time job of 14 years was unexpectedly eliminated due to budget cuts. I was so paralyzed with fear about what was going to happen to me financially and how it would affect my health insurance, I ended up suffering a hematoma early on in the pregnancy and sadly landing in the ER of Boca Regional Hospital. I quickly realized that if I didn’t calm down and get my priorities in order, there was a high chance I would lose my baby. Regardless of what I wanted, the ER doctor assured me it was out of my hands and it was either going to be OK or it wasn’t.
For the entire nine months, I was terrified I was going to see blood every time I used the bathroom. I prayed to Jesus and St. Jude constantly. St. Jude, patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes, was my go-to guy when the fear in my heart became unbearable.
The hematoma made me completely paranoid and I would find myself just sitting in a dark room crying at times because I wanted nothing more than for my baby to come out and for everything to be ok. There was another scare midway through the pregnancy that there could be something wrong with the baby’s spine. I refused the amniocentesis because there was a one in 300 chance I could miscarry. Whatever my baby was or had, I wanted him with all my heart. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, so I was ready for whatever He wanted for me.
When my baby was born via c-section July 2, 2018, there was another frightening moment when he came out and it was discovered there was a ginormous knot in his umbilical cord.
Fortunately, my OB/GYN assured me later that while the knot looked ominous, it was still loose enough not to cause the baby any harm. Still, my baby was a miracle and every nurse in the room assured me of it. If we had waited any longer and he had gotten any bigger, the knot could’ve easily gotten tighter and it could’ve been life threatening for my precious baby.
This entire experience has reinforced my faith in God that He truly does have a plan for me. He has one for each of us. And while it’s frightening not to be in control, it’s a bold reminder that those who believe should trust in Him. You have to let go of your fears and anxieties and hand them up to Him. There are definitely knots along the way that create roadblocks in our lives when things are going along smoothly. But I think working through the knots in our lives only makes us stronger and we must use them to strengthen our faith and draw us closer to God. He is the one pulling us along. So hang onto those knots with all the faith in your heart because He will eventually pull you through to something better than you ever imagined would be possible.